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ahhh.. i am so screwed. hmm so what happened for the past few weeks(so much time wasted) was that for some reason i couldn't study..couldn't sleep..though i tried to..it seems like nothing could go in and some part of the brain was disconnected and i just couldn't seem to link anything together...=(...

was really scared..dunno what was happening to me..everytime i see my books i just feel like running away and escaping from them..even have alotalot of thoughts of giving up..although i know logically it is wrong...i just can't help feeling that way..being consumed by my fears.

went for outings, western doctors,chinese doctors,running, friend'a hse..just whatever it is possible to distract me from this and let me sleep peacefully.

><..hais. now my only wish is to pass my audit and MA..just a 34 pass and i am contented..but looking at the current situation..i really dunno how to...don't think about last time..it's way too different already.

i guess this is how i am..not really the smartest person around..have been had been and is like that..

i pray that God will come and help me overcome my fears..let me have the courage to move on..to just face this once and for all and go for all the exams bravely, regardless of what results i achieve.. there must be a reason for it..although i really really wish to control and let myself achieve good grades..really really don't want to disappoint..i know in the end there is nothing i can control..except just to try my best..pray God for His grace upon my life and i will stop feeling fearful anymore but trust and have strong faith in You,and be able to focus fully when studying. Amen. ='')...