Wow..6 months just flew pass like that.. never expected to be so busy, yet so fruitful in SOT.. :) This journey is something i will remember, as it forces me to preach (do public speaking-something i am most fearful of, out of all the fears), complete mock cell group, book reviews, exams, PA week, Mission Trip, and also experience serving in ministries like Greeters Ministry, Dialect Church Ministry, Children Church Ministry.
Due to serving in a ministry, our weekends are often packed, but there was a joy inside which cannot be explained - that you are doing His work and serving others, not just living for yourself. :) The joy of the Lord is your strength! I guess that's how i felt, although have to admit on some weekends, really had to pull myself out from the bed i loved so much. Have signed up for Greeter's ministry, am excited to learn and challenge myself more in this ministry! :)
Other than SOT curriculum, there were many outings with friends whom i loved (uni friends and work friends), and also more time with my family. (Although still feel could have been more!)
I experienced inner healings from past hurts and bondages from fears, and this alone could have worth every cent. Not only that... there were many fixed wrong mindset that i had, which were renewed.. Just to name a few, the mindset of not trying anything new, because i am scared of making mistakes. This was something i struggled with for the longest time, because i dislike being embarrased or making mistakes. One day in school, they covered this and said that it is ok to make mistakes. It is part of the process of growing. Just don't repeat the mistake. If you make one mistake a day, you will be 365 mistakes wiser at the end of the year. Trial and error, this is part of how people become successful and grow, isn't it? No successful people succeed at first try.
By being stuck at the first part, (not wanting to make mistakes), i am actually inhibiting any kind of growth in myself. So yess!! This was one mindset that i am thankful for learning at age 30.
Another important lesson learnt is, I always viewed God as someone who will love me when i do well, and when i don't perform, He will/may love me lesser. This is what the world tells us. Perform well and you will be loved/accepted. I thought this was the same standard that He loves me too.
Which is why i (used to) try not to perform badly, and must do 120% each time so that i can produce results. But this perfectionist nature has resulted in breakdowns and harsh lessons learnt. So am a changed person now. Though will still try my best, but now not at the expense of my health.
One particular lesson, God showed me that He will always love me, no matter whether i produce results, His love for me is unconditional, because I am His beloved daughter. He loved me for who I am, not for how well i do. So much that He is willing to die on the cross 2000 years ago...for us.. After i had this revelation, i cried and cried as I felt His love strongly.
I was reminded of a situation when i was younger, where i thought i have improved, but was compared with others for not being good enough. Since then, i always thought i need to earn the love from others, be a better human, so that God will love me more....This intention of earning approval from others is evident and sometimes, i feel tired, for caring way too much about how other people feel. But that same week, He gently showed me His type of love for us through a situation.
One day, Dan was in cell group meeting, and that day, He didn't strum the guitar well, because he was too busy and didn't had time to practice. After the meeting, he felt bad and lousy, so he told me about it....Without hesitation, i just told him i still love him the same, no matter how he perform. I would not feel ashamed of him just because he didn't played well. Just at that moment, God gently prompted me....that's how my love for you is..and even more...my daughter... and i just...woahhh..=')..............
After this two incidents, I began to become bolder, because i realised it is okay even if i don't perform despite trying my level best. God will still loves me!! :) So yes, beginning to take on more challenging task, and dare to try more things which i was always afraid of.
Just these few lessons alone (out of many more which i am still thanking God for, up to this date)...made me really very very glad to have completed SOT this year. =) This was something i couldn't do in 2012...(i went for one month and quit due to finances and many fears)... and 7 years later, it is done. Thank You Jesus for making this journey possible, putting good caring friends around me, where we motivate and grow together.
Although it doesn't mean that i will never make another mistake from this moment on, I still will, (maybe more since will be trying more new things lol) and still an imperfect human being... Work in progress..... but we are one baby step closer to our dreams..
Ever so grateful that Mr A sponsored my SOT course fees, books and mission trips, and I just want to thank God for providing me with all that i need in this 6-7months. Never felt in lack, and Mr A told me that this money is from God, and He will provide for all my needs, as i take the step of faith to learn more about His word and grow closer to Him.
$3000+!! Who will be willing to do that in normal circumstance?? I am so blessed, and thankful to be able to go SOT in this phase of my life.. Such good memories that i will treasure in life.
Top 3 things indeed. (Have i mentioned it just now already? LOL oops just had to say it), and will most highly recommend whoever who is thinking of going, or hesitating to go.
For exams, God has been so good. This phrase totally sums it all, "Do your best, and God will do the rest." Able to start picking up books again, as this was an area i was traumatized for a long period after uni...:')
Some photos to share about this wonderful journey....
Such a humbling experience to serve in PA duty, during deliverance week!
Mission Trip - July 2019 in Ipoh.. This moment is unforgettable.. When the kids ran towards us..and asked us to pray for them. The moment where the words flow out from my mouth so powerful and strong...Holy Spirit guiding indeed!! (Prayed so hard before that and He never fails..) And we have a powerful time of ministering and praying for them. (first!)
Graduate LO!!!
Lovely Team 16 who went through this journey together..
Friendships forged...
Graduation Party at LiYan's house! Thank you to our Team Leaders for organising and blessing us with the awards! :) My SOT friend was blessed with a brand new guitar, and he generously ask all of us to sign on it. With permanent marker! Woohoo!
CG members and family celebrating together :)
my loves
A miracle award.. Thank God.. =D
Gifts from friends!! =)
This marks the end of SOT. Will try to blog more...(forever saying this haha). Thank you all for reading this long post!! To anyone who is here.. :)...
Shall post about my new job next! :)
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