IVF Treatment - Day 56/2024
rainbow faerie --- Lee Mei Fung
January 06, 2024
0 Comments
24 Aug 2023 – Today is the day of the blood test. To find out whether the embryo transfer was successful. My cell group leader, J, decided to accompany me to the clinic to take the blood test.
Initially, I planned to go alone by myself, as I did not want to trouble anyone. However, J kindly offered to take half day annual leave, to accompany me to the clinic. I was touched to have my cg leader /sister who cares so much for our well-being!
We met at the clinic at 8.35am. Was called in and take a blood test. The result was to be out in 2-3hours time. I was all hopeful and excited knowing that there is a chance that I may be pregnant!
After the blood test, we had breakfast in the hospital, and we were hoping that they will call before J needs to go back to work.
After finishing our breakfast, we still did not get a call. So we decided to take Grab back.
Right after getting out of the cab, I received the call from the hospital.
On the phone, she sounded really stressed and solemn. After verifying my identity, she told me the news. I am sorry to inform you that there is no sign of pregnancy at all. None.
……………..
……..
…
My world stopped. I sat at the bench beneath my block. I was too stunned to speak.
“Hello? Would you like to make another appointment for the next IVF?”
“Sorry no.. thank you.”
Took the lift home, cheerfully greeted my in laws and went into my bedroom.
I couldn’t hold my tears any longer. I called Dan and told him the news.
My sister took leave and my mother rushed over to the house the next day to make sure I am fine. It was thursday, and I had to start work the next Monday.
For the next one month, it was extremely tough, if not, one of the toughest periods of my life. I went back to work, and started on my 1 year Associate degree course. I have signed up for the course before the procedure as I wanted to put God first, and finally, be serious in studying His word.
I felt so broken because as a wife, you are supposed to bear children, and yet, after all the efforts and pains over the years, 2IUIs, 1IVF,TCM, this is an area which I still did not succeed, yet.
For someone who believes that you can achieve whatever you set out, if you want it hard enough. (Not talking about getting Olympics gold), this was a big blow to my self-esteem, as I have already tried my hardest in this area.
I realised that there are things which are out of my control, and I have to learn to trust His heart. God wants the best for His children, and He will give them the best, always. =')
I came home and cried for weeks in my bedroom, and became distant with the people I loved. I stopped talking to the people around me, and was quiet at work. At home, I even stopped talking to my spiritual mentor (my mother in law whom I can chat for hours with), as I just wanted to be on my own. I stopped contacting my church friends, and hid in my bubble of safety.
This was my way of being since young, escaping into my own shell when the going gets tough. So when you do see me physically, it’s back to my happy self, always.(thus, it's easy to misunderstand that i do not have much problems in life, but this was further than the truth.)
It was hard to open up with people, as there were many emotions that came with it, which I find it very hard to share. Plus, I know that the people around me are going through some hard times themselves too, so I did not want to trouble them with this, if I can manage it by myself.
Back at work, I had a very tight deadline to roll out my big project, which I did not want to delay further. The AA course had also many deadlines and assignments to clear.
Thankfully, during this dark period, I met up with 2 friends, who encouraged me. Dawn, my coach, told me that it might be due to the hormone injections, which was making me so emotional.
My colleagues at work, were also concerned about me, as I went to work as per usual, working hard on the project that was scheduled to be rolled out, with not much sharings about what just happened.
True enough, after a month of sobbing and crying, I suddenly felt joy one day after my period.
Suddenly, the world became brighter, and I saw the silver lining out of this devastating situation.
I started seeing hope, that life can still be good, even without children. I could love my nephew and nieces more, and have more time and money to bless others. We could still live a fruitful life, even if I couldn’t have what I wished for.
Who says we can’t be happy? Even if we face the toughest battles, who says we cannot be happy and need to live in despair and be sad daily? That is, the title of my book (which may take a decade to publish haha). Stay tuned and please support my book when I roll it out! :)
Life itself is a gift. Being in good health is a gift. Having a roof over our head, and electricity and water is a gift. Some people don’t even have all these. We are actually more blessed than we know. I refuse to be upset with what I don’t have.
There are so many blessings and answered prayers from God over the years, so I am definitely not going to be angry with Him. I may not understand why now, but I know this is the best for me.
I thank God for the courage and grace, and for my hubby, for going through this tough journey together.
It may not be the outcome we hoped, but we are going to surrender and trust God in this matter, because He always know what is the best for us. If it is not now, so be it. I won’t be trying IVF anymore (please don’t persuade me, as it is a personal choice), as it was too much for me. We will work on our health, and live our best lives while waiting!
From Oct’23 onwards, I felt so much better, and am glad to announce that I cleared my AA Degree Module 1, and got 89.5marks! Also managed to finally roll out the online forms at work. Thank God. (Update: Was surprised to receive 2 innovation awards at work during the staff meeting in Dec 2023 for the online form. Praise the Lord! What a miracle outcome after all that have happened this year.)
Am feeling much tougher inside (felt as though I have went through fire and came out safe), and am in a much better place now.
What a year 2023 has been! It was one of the most challenging years, one with many breakdowns yet many breakthroughs.
Was only able to publish my blog entry today, after taking much personal time to heal inside.
Thank you to all who have journeyed with us this year, especially to both my families.
Am determined to make use of time even better, by taking care of my health more in 2024. To love God more, and focus on self-development, so that I can take care of others more effectively.
Life is still good! Let’s jiayou together in 2024! The best is yet to be :)
Our two successful embryo :')
Initially, I planned to go alone by myself, as I did not want to trouble anyone. However, J kindly offered to take half day annual leave, to accompany me to the clinic. I was touched to have my cg leader /sister who cares so much for our well-being!
We met at the clinic at 8.35am. Was called in and take a blood test. The result was to be out in 2-3hours time. I was all hopeful and excited knowing that there is a chance that I may be pregnant!
After the blood test, we had breakfast in the hospital, and we were hoping that they will call before J needs to go back to work.
After finishing our breakfast, we still did not get a call. So we decided to take Grab back.
Right after getting out of the cab, I received the call from the hospital.
On the phone, she sounded really stressed and solemn. After verifying my identity, she told me the news. I am sorry to inform you that there is no sign of pregnancy at all. None.
……………..
……..
…
My world stopped. I sat at the bench beneath my block. I was too stunned to speak.
“Hello? Would you like to make another appointment for the next IVF?”
“Sorry no.. thank you.”
Took the lift home, cheerfully greeted my in laws and went into my bedroom.
I couldn’t hold my tears any longer. I called Dan and told him the news.
My sister took leave and my mother rushed over to the house the next day to make sure I am fine. It was thursday, and I had to start work the next Monday.
For the next one month, it was extremely tough, if not, one of the toughest periods of my life. I went back to work, and started on my 1 year Associate degree course. I have signed up for the course before the procedure as I wanted to put God first, and finally, be serious in studying His word.
I felt so broken because as a wife, you are supposed to bear children, and yet, after all the efforts and pains over the years, 2IUIs, 1IVF,TCM, this is an area which I still did not succeed, yet.
For someone who believes that you can achieve whatever you set out, if you want it hard enough. (Not talking about getting Olympics gold), this was a big blow to my self-esteem, as I have already tried my hardest in this area.
I realised that there are things which are out of my control, and I have to learn to trust His heart. God wants the best for His children, and He will give them the best, always. =')
I came home and cried for weeks in my bedroom, and became distant with the people I loved. I stopped talking to the people around me, and was quiet at work. At home, I even stopped talking to my spiritual mentor (my mother in law whom I can chat for hours with), as I just wanted to be on my own. I stopped contacting my church friends, and hid in my bubble of safety.
This was my way of being since young, escaping into my own shell when the going gets tough. So when you do see me physically, it’s back to my happy self, always.(thus, it's easy to misunderstand that i do not have much problems in life, but this was further than the truth.)
It was hard to open up with people, as there were many emotions that came with it, which I find it very hard to share. Plus, I know that the people around me are going through some hard times themselves too, so I did not want to trouble them with this, if I can manage it by myself.
Back at work, I had a very tight deadline to roll out my big project, which I did not want to delay further. The AA course had also many deadlines and assignments to clear.
Thankfully, during this dark period, I met up with 2 friends, who encouraged me. Dawn, my coach, told me that it might be due to the hormone injections, which was making me so emotional.
My colleagues at work, were also concerned about me, as I went to work as per usual, working hard on the project that was scheduled to be rolled out, with not much sharings about what just happened.
True enough, after a month of sobbing and crying, I suddenly felt joy one day after my period.
Suddenly, the world became brighter, and I saw the silver lining out of this devastating situation.
I started seeing hope, that life can still be good, even without children. I could love my nephew and nieces more, and have more time and money to bless others. We could still live a fruitful life, even if I couldn’t have what I wished for.
Who says we can’t be happy? Even if we face the toughest battles, who says we cannot be happy and need to live in despair and be sad daily? That is, the title of my book (which may take a decade to publish haha). Stay tuned and please support my book when I roll it out! :)
Life itself is a gift. Being in good health is a gift. Having a roof over our head, and electricity and water is a gift. Some people don’t even have all these. We are actually more blessed than we know. I refuse to be upset with what I don’t have.
There are so many blessings and answered prayers from God over the years, so I am definitely not going to be angry with Him. I may not understand why now, but I know this is the best for me.
I thank God for the courage and grace, and for my hubby, for going through this tough journey together.
It may not be the outcome we hoped, but we are going to surrender and trust God in this matter, because He always know what is the best for us. If it is not now, so be it. I won’t be trying IVF anymore (please don’t persuade me, as it is a personal choice), as it was too much for me. We will work on our health, and live our best lives while waiting!
From Oct’23 onwards, I felt so much better, and am glad to announce that I cleared my AA Degree Module 1, and got 89.5marks! Also managed to finally roll out the online forms at work. Thank God. (Update: Was surprised to receive 2 innovation awards at work during the staff meeting in Dec 2023 for the online form. Praise the Lord! What a miracle outcome after all that have happened this year.)
Am feeling much tougher inside (felt as though I have went through fire and came out safe), and am in a much better place now.
What a year 2023 has been! It was one of the most challenging years, one with many breakdowns yet many breakthroughs.
Was only able to publish my blog entry today, after taking much personal time to heal inside.
Thank you to all who have journeyed with us this year, especially to both my families.
Am determined to make use of time even better, by taking care of my health more in 2024. To love God more, and focus on self-development, so that I can take care of others more effectively.
Life is still good! Let’s jiayou together in 2024! The best is yet to be :)
