Successful six(four) years at work :))

201X was a defining year for me...for those that know why, thank you for still staying by me, together. I had to restart my life again, after meeting some failures, learning from mistakes(again) and trying to piece my life back from scratch.

Thank you Dan for sticking by me, and not forsaking me in one of the lowest periods of my life. Thank you my in laws(mother, father, brother and sister) for accepting me, for who i am. The flawed and imperfect person that i am. I thank my family too, for always being there for me, especially both my parents and sister, who stayed by me relentlessly and listen to my rantings up till today.

This is a snippet of my journey to recovery.

Most importantly, i thank God, for His grace, to bring me out of the dark period, into a new one, in a relatively short time. For giving me one more chance, to live my life right, despite failing again and again.

This ordeal has definitely instilled the much needed humility in me - i have learnt the hard lesson, that all that i have, is not mine to brag. I have witness the power of God. The highs (the confidence, talents that He freely gives me) and the lows(when all is stripped away when i disobeyed). I also learnt that i can have the whole world, in one moment, and lose everything in the next - when i am not humble, but proud.

I now fear God, and I now truly knows that He really exist. Not just knowledge, but because I have experience how powerful and mighty He is. This humbling experience has made me much more accepting to the people around me. My capacity to love people has been stretched and tested, though i am still learning to be more loving each day!

WORK

I am feeling SO SOOO relieved that finally, finally, I survived and went through this past four years of work. It has not been an easy journey, but like He promised, His grace is sufficient for me. He put people around me that made my life better, and guide me through the challenges, never failing me once, in all the obstacles and stress i met at work.

When i looked back, i am so amazed of all the things that was overcame. (ASEAN School Games' facilitator, 1.5months of holding the fort while waiting for my new colleague to come in, 1-2 months of holding the fort again, all the presentations to the teachers and staff, learning to use a new computer from windows to Mac, studying all the new procurement systems when we moved from Web Procurement to Gebiz, etc)

For us, gaining long term employment is the one daunting thing to do. I have asked around, most of us have thoughts of quitting, just like me. In fact, every single day, i feel like quitting, not because i hate my job, (it is a really good job), but because of the inner conflicts inside me. I am scared to wits, of the pressures that come together with working, of facing people, of doing my work well, of being normal. I am not good at managing stress.

There are so many fears and doubts of my own abilities, that often, i will pray in the toilet for God to help me past through each day, because i can't face it myself. Yes, it is that bad!! Haha. (pls don't find me weird lol)

But the good news is, God never fails! As we put our trust in Him, things just seemed better, there is a burning hope that nothing is impossible for Him! He brings me through this 4 years, victorious, and brought me above and beyond my fears, out of all the challenges i faced.

It is with no doubt, crediting it all to God, to be able to rise up, and not give up.

Many might not know this, but I have been looking forward to this day for the longest time.
The day where i can have a good track record behind me, use it to move on to greater things in life - that is prepared for me =)) It is really a long long wait!

There were so many times where i wanted to give up, but when i think of the people that i can impact, if i can really make it through, it motivates me to keep on going, despite my many limitations.

For my superior to be happy with my job performance, and ask me to stay on after my SOT, this itself is the greatest miracle and a testimony of His goodness. I can't describe in words how very very grateful i am! Thank You Jesus for making this work stint, even possible! :)

Tomorrow is the last day of 2018. Thank you for a good year, it could have been worse.

God, please continue to keep me alert at work, have a good handover, and have a smooth January 2019 ahead.

Happy New Year everyone!!! May 2019 will be even better than 2018. (It will be!)

Lots of love,
Auntie Fung :))