for me, i always believe that God is fair!...If someone seem good in one or many areas, there is DEFINTELY something else he/she is struggling with. Maybe we cannot imagine, or visibly see what that person is struggling with. but i know with all my heart, FOR SURE there is something, cos.......NOBODY IS PERFECT! :) (even if they seemed so)...
YESSS. so stop envying others, or being jealous and mean to others...because...you should really appreciate whatever gifts and talents you have been given from above!..
anyway i think(yes i always think alot one.hehe)....when we were born, we are given some natural gifts..however, all of us MUST be given a weakness too, to balance us out. Maybe it is an insecure self caused by certain horrible situations, maybe it is financial difficulties we faced that make us less fortunate than others, maybe you are not good-looking, maybe you are not as smart as others and is constantly being compared...maybe you are not as sociable as others, maybe you do not have a perfect family to start with...and this list goes on and on.................
for me, i have LOTS of this kind of experiences(although i always seemed to be cheerful.) My friends once told me, it is difficult to read me, because...i always look like i am so happy!and look like i have no problems one!..thus thats why i sometimes seem abit childish or naive or no brain...also i never usually share much of my problems with people.
cheerful, happy, never-faced-any-challenges-before, look.
but, Of course i do have problems la! siao ah, who don't have?!..LOL i usually share with my very very close friends, and my darling sister! (whom i irritate alot cos have alot of stories and theories on life to tell her =Pp)..HAHA.
it is true, that usually i am happy...cos i have this theory that really, if you perservere and work hard, all things are possible!! Of course, you need to sacrifice things in the process of achieving some goals you may want to. But i always believe can one leh!!......i STILL do not feel that i am naive thinking this way. It really just depend on how much you REALLY REALLY want something. right? yes. =P
Of course, i am not talking about things like, wanting to achieve olympics gold medal..but working all your life for it..and alot of ppl, still couldn't achieve it until they die. Rather, i am talking about daily things..like...studies..work...trying to chase a girlfriend/boyfriend..trying to lose weight..trying to make time for family..etc...etc...I strongly believe if you can't get sth, maybe it's just because you never try/want it HARD enough.hmm..
Anyway, yes talking about talents..LOL i think it is very easy for whoever is reading this blog, to find one. or two or three talents..
but for me, it is really something i struggled with for very long!..especially with sisters and brothers LIKE THAT, there is always a high expectation to do well in school. Well, i managed to always scrap through into relatively good schools, till i failed to get into a local uni. okay well actually i could go for a nursing course, or be teacher...but hmm!!it isn't what i wanted for my first degree!...
(LOL actually it was also due to some lame accidents..where HAHA i dunno why i didn't discuss with my friends first before choosing the courses, I actually chose double degrees courses, business, accounting courses in local uni, with a set of average grades!!! but okay that's another story.)
yaa,so i felt like i was being judged...and i don't think it is just me thinking too much, but really, everywhere i worked(don't forget is 10+jobs so far), i see ppl who ask me the same set of questions.usually it is an auntie.
her:erm..so, which school are you from?
me: oh, SIM.:)
her: OOo, it's not a local university right?/where is that? i never hear before.
me: yaa...
her: I have a son/daughter/cousin/relative/friends' son...that is from NTU/NUS/SMU.
me: oooo and give a polite smile*...
@#$%%^&?!!....HUH...? Soo?............i also have alot of friends in local unis what!! ZZZ. LOL it seems like these aunties all have a set of model questions to ask when they meet us!! maybe i should just reply something like..."oh...ya...i very stupid one so cannot get in"...or..."haha I SEE. then how about you? which university are YOU in?" and see how they going to continue the conversation..
HAHAHA. okay i feel so mean. but yah you get the point. we are being JUDGED at first impression before we even try to perform. BOOHOOO!!! =(
hahha okay of course i know that aunties/uncles will only know the local unis are good, but after hearing the same thing 100++ times, (okay i am exaggerating)..it kinds of get onto my nerves.
yaa so we need to prove them with our actions, and thank God! it HAD been done. =)
Okay, so yaaa....i think my biggest insecurity in my life is.......my brain.
brain. of cos not my brain! ><.....looks abit like...wanton in noodles..><
As my family used to say i am "stupid" last time when i was younger..(just kidding) it had a great negative impact on me!.. Especially so when i am living with genuis-ss at home, or people who are more talented in many areas than myself!...and i often feel like i really am! because i don't seem to have visible talents like good in computers, good in sports, singing..studies..directions...general knowlege..cooking..etc.
SO, that is one of the bunch of problems i face. Together with the trait of being quite playful and lazy since primary 4(LOL i really don't know what happened..maybe having fun is really addictive..much more than working hard in studies.) It really did not help alot.
So, when i didn't get into local uni, LOL i really felt....><...!!..and i feel that suddenly, the words i say at home don't carry much weight anymore. =((...
Thank God then!! He was my faithful rock solid friend..that i depended with all my heart on, and also john!..that supported me fully in my studies. =))...<3!
God and his promises! :)
John! =DD....
I really don't understand then..why everyone seems to judge you based on paper qualifications, the school you are in.. Why can't they see the awesome heart that you have inside you?...Why does the words you say, whether it carries weight or not, depend on your result?How much you scorE?...I tried applying financial aid from many organisations, but each time they see that i was not in a local school, it was immediate rejection. =(( i think i got so many rejection letters..that LOL. I finally realised something.
We live in a harsh, cruel world.
Reality hit me so strongly, and i fainted.
HAHA joking!!..................LOL. i never faint!=Pp.....but yes, I told myself then, that if I EVER succeeded in my studies, I am going to be someone who is very different from those smartie pants who may disregard words that the normal ppl says,and look down on people.. Also shall not be proud or arrogant.. I wanted to prove that you CAN be filial and do well at the same time..no such things as no time too.don't smoke me, I know how it feels being both a lazy and hardworking person;).. Hehe John now I can argue with u!:p!!..
yupps anyway, that was what i realised then. BUT because i was so lazy, it was really a challenge for me to have self discipline!!......So, yes, all thanks to God/shen/my ancestors/divine strength from above..I did it, in a very extreme way.
I think all my friends from jc/sec school will know, how busy i was that i don't usually have time for them. Of course my priority was very evident. GOD.CHURCH. STUDY & WORK. BOYFRIEND. FRIENDS.
So, usually by the time it reaches boyfriend, there is no time for friends alr. HAHA.oops!!..it is really not that you all are not impt!..but..I really really really really wanted to prove something.
first, to show all that really, nothing is impossible with God!...and also to prove to myself, my parents, my sibilings etc. that it is not that SIM ppl are not smart, (aLOT of ppl i know are so street smart one lo!), it is ONLY because local uni students are more hardworking than us.
BLEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *sticks out tongue again*...
and of course, it is to prove my point, that yes...you have a weakness. you are weaker than someone in this area, but...DEAL WITH IT!....
If i am "stupid" yet i can possibly get first class honors(this yr or the nxt).......i think only 10 out of 450 acct and finance ppl can get that, thus showing how much sacrifice and self discipline is needed. ALVIN is oso one of them! HAHA. sabo. :)
i think it really shows, that as long as you put in your vvvvvvvvvvvvv best, you really can do it one!!..for me my ingredient to succeed was my faith in God, because i know there is NO WAY i can do it with my own ability. Maybe it's time to look for some motivation from somewherE for yourself? anywhere will do, as long as it keeps you self motivated ba.=)
and i finally found my talent!!after 22 years*SNIFFSSS*............(points to previous post)..and i think that my talent/gifts is really something that is not visible. NOW i know why last time i can't IDENTIfY it!!and made me SOOOO uber sad about it okay!...
they are warm..friendly..nice..sociable..helpful...hardworking..perserverence...vv determined once i have a goal i want to achieve, patience ..being able to see the best out of people(LOL i got a story for this! maybe for my next post)..encouraging..supportive..understanding...caring..quite rational...sensible..thrifty...epathatic...humorous...
Waaa sounds like a perfect wife anot?!! Now I know why got many ppl chasing though I look so 'cui' last time..HEHE.:p!
LOL okay i shall name some weakness too in case you decide not to read my blog anymore cos i too BHB. It is........ too cutE? :) HAHAAA JOOKEEEE!!...okie..no sense of directions/general knowledge(don't ask me things like all the car brands, or who is the president of which country..or our own ministers names..sorry i live in a mountain so i wouldn't know)/cannot cook YET, so my future husband may risk having to eat grass and twigs, ego sometimes too big--thus prideful at LITTLE times. oyes!! and think deeply (maybe sometimes too deep)... and irritate my younger sister too much. =o)...
breakfast, lunch and dinner for my other half in future =))?? *angelic smile*
I really didn't know all the challenges i faced so far in life(looks or brain or harsh situations), is actually to mould me into someone with those traits!...but I am very sure.. If I never had such 'training' I wouldn be who I am today..Ahhh Thankful, though painful!="))
OMY this is such a loooooooooooong post. i wonder who actually reads finish the post. maybe you can tag and let me know. but still, IT is time to TASTE the fruits of my hardwork now!! after 4++ years of hardwork. =DDDDDDDDDD.........
fruits are really swEET! =)
:))
No comments:
Post a Comment